Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
