he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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