She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
