omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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