I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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