i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
