its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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