Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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