Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
