Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
