im about as happy as oj after his trial
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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