Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
