What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
