Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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