he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
