I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
