Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
