capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
