that's an acceptable place to lick
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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