I'm jealous of your bromance
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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