And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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