Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
