I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
