Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude. I can hear the air.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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