Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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