She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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