Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize