dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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