hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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