i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
