Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize