So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
