How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
