Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
