Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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