Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
