Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
