Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize