I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
