Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
