cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
