My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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