A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
