bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
