I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
