ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
