My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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