i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
