we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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