watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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