I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
