My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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