mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
whose ass print is on the piano?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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