I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
