Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
