If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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