you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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