I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
