Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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