he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize