i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dear god my vagina.
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