Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
