I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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