my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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