I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
