i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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