i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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