Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
