my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
