I hate all girls vehemently.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
