Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
