Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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