So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
