just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
