You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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