He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
