it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
