I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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