The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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