i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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