Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
