Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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