Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
