The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
