I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
