'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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