no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
