Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
