I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
