A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
