I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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