Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
