She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
