hotel room ftw
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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