shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
