Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
