I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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