for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
