Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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