I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We're too hungover to prance.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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