I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
