i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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