If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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