I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
