omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
