Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
