she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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