All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
