You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
