White coat. Heels.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
