Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
