New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
