We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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