a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
